51 Leigh

I asked Ruth to marry me.

"Yes."

I divorced Leigh.

Concerned for her well-being I conceded to her the custody of our two children.

Dread.

My home was repossessed and we all struggled to adjust.

Ruin.

Leigh and our children suffered.

Me—

The divorce had been a long time coming.

Labor.

Fourteen years.

Hurt.

It was another twenty before I felt able to write about it all.

Guilt.

Yet even then only a dinky little poem.

It disgusted Ruth.

Rhyme—

Trapped in his immoral life

He betrayed his loving wife

Hurting her he hurt their kids

Their daughter, their son

Lost in lies, sickening whys

Wrenching cries, helpless sighs

Undisguised by philosophy

He denied

Sorry?

Worry?

His wounded soul

Unwhole, adjusted

Cynical, he sinned again

Openly lusted

He cheated, repeatedly

He treated his wife like dirt

He laughed if she hurt

Party clown, professor

He professed, "Friends."

He aimed his life towards them

His life controlled his wife

Sex was how it all began

Little did he understand

Fourteen masturbated

Fifteen kissed

Sixteen sex

Seventeen "missed"

Eighteen pregnant teen

Marriage, "had to"

A girl, a boy

Sister, brother, mother

Loved him, trusted

He hid, haunted, hunted, lusted

Drank, flirted, fornicated

Adulterer, liar

Lie-encrusted

Came home drunk

Untorn, unsated

Unsad, glad to

Stinking, Mr. Skank

Dark night

Bright tiny dream light

Moon white

Buddhists entered in

He confessed, he vowed reform

"No more sin!"

He prayed, he bowed

He practiced, he tried

He wanted to conform

He loved his wife, her warm

He loved their kids, their fun

He wanted to be good

Why couldn’t he do

What he knew he should?

Marriage, children, broken home

Divorce, dead horse, ruined carriage

Tragic poem

"Rhyme."

"Ruth."

Complementary opposites.

Yinyang—

Yangyin—

By September 1, 1975, when the new semester began, my entire universe had changed.

I sometimes call my year from January 1, 1975, to January 1, 1976, my year in heaven, my annus mirabile, my year of enlightenment, god, signs and wonders, marvels, magic, and miracle.

I felt reborn.

New.

I changed the way I taught.

Totally.

Tests and examinations I repudiated and renounced.

Totally.

I never gave another.

Not one.

I adopted the Socratic method and never looked back.

Ah!

It fit like a glove.